“As humans, we all have our own individual and unique personalities. In the gym, as humans, we all unintentionally reveal a completely different side of our personalities.”
Spoiler alert: I love going to the gym. If I had it my way, and lived in an alternate reality in which school and work didn’t exhaust all my time, I would be in the gym every day. Stretching, running, weight-lifting, and working on my hot bod; I love it all. Let’s just be real, I’m sexy and I know it.
Unfortunately, my wallet doesn’t allow me to have grand amenities like a gym membership. I therefore have no choice but to keep up my appearance at the gym in the JSAC.
No, this is not a rant about how lame the gym in the JSAC is; my apologies. The gym is clean, the lockers work, it generally doesn’t smell funny, and the students who work there do a pretty decent job of staying on top of it. My issue lies with the other gym attendees.
As humans, we all have our own individual and unique personalities. In the gym, as humans, we all unintentionally reveal a completely different side of our personalities. We’ve all witnessed them: the pacer, the creeper, the eye-baller and the pompous cad.
The pacer is the one I find the easiest to laugh at. The one guy who, while everyone else is working out and doing what makes the most sense to do in a gym, seems to be simply making laps around all the equipment. He’ll walk up to a machine, tamper with it then walk away, weaving between the other machines. The pacer will finally sit down, do a few hardcore exercises, and then begin to make his laps again.
What is he doing? That’s my question, because if he’s trying to keep his heart rate up, I don’t think becoming twinkle toes is going to do very much for him. Dear Mr. Pacer, stop trying to just look like you’re actually doing something, and actually do it. Otherwise, I would very much like it if you could remove your body mass from our quaint gym. Thank you.
The creeper has to be my least favorite. It’s that one guy who will spend his entire workout session staring at a girl, and he’s not staring because he’s insecure, like the eye-baller. The eye-baller stares because he wants to know at what speed your running, how many calories you’ve burned, how many pounds you’re lifting, or how many sets you’re doing.
The eye-baller is annoying but laughable, because we all know he’s the one who won’t continue to come to the gym for very much longer. The creeper is anything but laughable. He’s enough to make girls run out of a gym screaming with her hands wailing above her head. I think we all know why he’s staring and what all he’s staring at, so I’ll put that subject to rest.
The pompous cad is the most annoying, to me anyway. I saw one just the other day teaching his buddies how to properly do everything. He’ll come in the gym with two or three friends and spend the entire time telling them what to do and how to do it, without ever picking up a weight himself.
Why even wear gym shorts, sir? Just in case your homeboy needs an extra pair from all the squats you’re making him do? My favorite attribute of the cad is his uncanny way of giving girls side glances while he teaches his friends the ropes. I imagine the inside of his brain sounds a little bit like an LMFAO song. Of course, because he thinks he’s sexy and girls know it.
